It was December 2003.
My brother had performed the last rites being the only son.
My mother had shifted to Mumbai during her last years after my father's death.
Part of the ashes (अस्थि) had been immersed in Nashik and he had kept a part for immersion in Triveni Sangam which is the confluence of Ganga, Yamuna and (गुप्त - वाहिनी) - invisible Sarasvati rivers.
My husband and I took the remaining asthi (अस्थि) to Prayagaraj where my parents had spent the major part of their lives.
We had booked a room in the Yatrik Hotel where we stayed as our home in Tagore Nagar did not have electricity and had been uninhabited for quite some time.
After arriving in Prayagaraj, we had the sacred duty to go to Triveni Sangam.
On arrival, we arranged a boat and strangely the people on the banks of the Ganga intuitively got to know the purpose of our visit.
So two people in addition to the boatmen came aboard the boat.
The boatman (मल्लाह) rowed us to the confluence of the 3 rivers.
The colour of river Ganga is muddy whereas her sister Yamuna is dark bluish - black.
Sarasvati is invisible.
Today the Sarasvati River has dried up but her sanctity is still preserved and Sarasvati is worshipped.
Sarasvati Valley civilisation has been extensively studied by archaeologists.
Bharat is the only country in the world where all our rivers are worshipped as Goddesses with the exception of Brahmaputra who is a male.
I can see my husband's smiling face wearing a green sweater sitting on the boat and talking to the two men.
It was a cold winter's day. The far side of the river was Jhusi. One could see in the distance the Ganga Bridge. One side is the Fort supposedly built by Akbar.
My husband, always a philosopher asked the elderly man about the state of Hindu Dharmic civilisation. He gave a very pessimistic reply saying it was ebbing away just as the Sarasvati river had dried up.
It did sadden us.
After we immersed my mother's ashes we had to give a dakshina (sort of payment ) to the other man. But the money is not handed to him personally. It is thrown into the flowing water and this person actually dives to get the money.
Certain thoughts were passing through my head at that time.
My mind was wondering about the transience of our own lives but the reassuring presence of my dearest husband so near to me, prevented me from going that way.
That was something not for ruminating.
This is how we humans delude ourselves and play the game of escapism. We humans do not have the courage and strength to face hard truths of life.
As a child, I had gone boating many times on this very same Ganga when our elders would take the sacred water in their cupped palms and shower the water on our heads.
This is called Prokshanam (प्रोक्षणम्).
This is believed to be as good as taking a bath. This is done when a person does not take a holy dip directly in the river.
Both of us too did the same.
It is believed in Sanatana Dharma that one drop of Ganga water can wash away sins committed over many lifetimes.
Infact, there are Mantrams chanted whilst taking bath that are believed to transform and sanctify any water in any country into water as pure and sacred as the waters of the 7 most-revered rivers (Saptasindhu) of Bharat.
Ganga, Yamuna, Sarasvati, Godavari, Narmada, Sindhu, Kaveri, are the 7 most sacred rivers of Bharat.
गङ्गे च यमुने चैव गोदावरि सरस्वति ।
नर्मदे सिन्धु कावेरि जलेऽस्मिन् संनिधिं कुरु ॥
नर्मदे सिन्धु कावेरि जलेऽस्मिन् संनिधिं कुरु ॥
gaṅge ca yamune caiva godāvari sarasvati .
narmade sindhu kāveri jale’smin saṃnidhiṃ kuru ..
narmade sindhu kāveri jale’smin saṃnidhiṃ kuru ..
Ganga, Yamuna, Saraswati, Godavari Narmada, Sindhu, Kaveri,
May all these 7 holy rivers become confluent in this water and purify me.
After immersion of the asthi we returned to Yatrik hotel.
Today it is more than 7 years that I am alone without my dearest husband.
He is in my thoughts each second of the day.
Each morning whilst taking bath I chant this स्नान mantra and this very scene flashes in my mind's eye.
I wonder where he is!
On that fatal day, April 30, 2014 I saw my husband lying with eyes closed forever.
Everyday I relive that scene too.
His 'asthi' too was immersed in this very Ganga by my son.
I too shall join him one day and unite with all our dear loved ones gone long before.
To my mind comes one of the most beautiful Sanskrit Subhashitams......
आकाशात् पतितं तोयं यथागच्छति सागरम् ।
सर्वदेव नमस्कारः केशवं प्रतिगच्छति ॥
ākāśāt patitaṃ toyaṃ yathāgacchati sāgaram .
sarvadeva namaskāraḥ keśavaṃ pratigacchati ..
sarvadeva namaskāraḥ keśavaṃ pratigacchati ..
As the drops of falling rain from the sky reach the ocean;
So too all the prayers to all the gods ultimately get to Lord Keshava.
My interpretation is different.
As the drops of falling rain reach the mighty ocean , we two too will join together.
We two drops will once again attain each other!
This is my only lasting last wish!
🙏🕉️🙏हरि ॐ तत् सत्🙏🕉️🙏
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