Memories of Prayag, Ganga River..... !

We both had gone to Mumbai, Bharat after my dear mother's passing away.

It was December 2003.

My brother had performed the last rites being the only son. 

My mother had shifted to Mumbai during her last years after my father's death.

Part of the ashes (अस्थि) had been immersed in Nashik and he had kept a part for immersion in Triveni Sangam which is the confluence of Ganga, Yamuna and (गुप्त - वाहिनी) - invisible Sarasvati rivers.

My husband and I took the remaining asthi (अस्थि) to Prayagaraj where my parents had spent the major part of their lives.

We had booked a room in the Yatrik Hotel where we stayed as our home in Tagore Nagar did not have electricity and had been uninhabited for quite some time.

After arriving in Prayagaraj, we had the sacred duty to go to Triveni Sangam.

On arrival, we arranged a boat and strangely the people on the banks of the Ganga intuitively got to know the purpose of our visit.

So two people in addition to the boatmen came aboard the boat. 

The boatman (मल्लाह) rowed us to the confluence of the 3 rivers. 

The colour of river Ganga is muddy whereas her sister Yamuna is dark bluish - black.

Sarasvati is invisible. 

Today the Sarasvati River has dried up but her sanctity is still preserved and Sarasvati is worshipped. 

Sarasvati Valley civilisation has been extensively studied by archaeologists. 

Bharat is the only country in the world where all our rivers are worshipped as Goddesses with the exception of Brahmaputra who is a male. 

I can see my husband's smiling face wearing a green sweater sitting on the boat and talking to the two men. 

It was a cold winter's day. The far side of the river was Jhusi. One could see  in the distance the Ganga Bridge. One side is the Fort supposedly built by Akbar. 

My husband, always a philosopher asked the elderly man about the state of Hindu Dharmic civilisation. He gave a very pessimistic reply saying it was ebbing away just as the Sarasvati river had dried up. 

It did sadden us. 

After we immersed my mother's ashes we had to give a dakshina (sort of payment ) to the other man. But the money is not handed to him personally. It is thrown into the flowing water and this person actually dives to get the money. 

Certain thoughts were passing through my head at that time. 

My mind was wondering about the transience of our own lives but the reassuring presence of my dearest husband so near to me, prevented me from going that way. 

That was something not for ruminating. 

This is how we humans delude ourselves and play the game of escapism. We humans do not have the courage and strength to face hard truths of life. 

As a child, I had gone boating many times on this very same Ganga when our elders would take the sacred water in their cupped palms and shower the water on our heads. 

This is called Prokshanam  (प्रोक्षणम्). 

This is believed to be as good as taking a bath. This is done when a person does not take a holy dip directly in the river. 

Both of us too did the same. 

It is believed in Sanatana Dharma that one drop of Ganga water can wash away sins committed over many lifetimes. 

Infact, there are Mantrams chanted whilst taking bath that are believed to transform and sanctify any water in any country into water as pure and sacred as the waters of the 7 most-revered rivers (Saptasindhu) of Bharat. 

Ganga, Yamuna, Sarasvati, Godavari, Narmada, Sindhu, Kaveri, are the 7 most sacred rivers of Bharat. 

गङ्गे च यमुने चैव गोदावरि सरस्वति ।
नर्मदे सिन्धु कावेरि जलेऽस्मिन् संनिधिं कुरु ॥

gaṅge ca yamune caiva godāvari sarasvati .
narmade sindhu kāveri jale’smin saṃnidhiṃ kuru ..

Ganga, Yamuna, Saraswati, Godavari Narmada, Sindhu, Kaveri, 

May all these 7 holy rivers become confluent in this water and purify me. 

After immersion of the asthi we returned to Yatrik hotel. 

Today it is more than 7 years that I am alone without my dearest husband. 

He is in my thoughts each second of the day. 

Each morning whilst taking bath I chant this स्नान mantra and this very scene flashes in my mind's eye. 

I wonder where he is!

On that fatal day, April 30, 2014 I saw my husband lying with eyes closed forever. 

Everyday I relive that scene too. 

His 'asthi' too was immersed in this very Ganga by my son. 

I too shall join him one day and unite with all our dear loved ones gone long before. 

To my mind comes one of the most beautiful Sanskrit Subhashitams...... 

आकाशात् पतितं तोयं यथागच्छति सागरम् ।

सर्वदेव नमस्कारः केशवं प्रतिगच्छति ॥

ākāśāt patitaṃ toyaṃ yathāgacchati sāgaram .
sarvadeva namaskāraḥ keśavaṃ pratigacchati ..

As the drops of falling rain from the sky reach the ocean; 

So too all the prayers to all the gods ultimately get to Lord Keshava.

My interpretation is different. 

As the drops of falling rain reach the mighty ocean , we two too will join together. 

We two drops will once again attain each other! 

This is my only lasting last wish! 

🙏🕉️🙏हरि ॐ तत् सत्🙏🕉️🙏

Some childhood reminiscences

 Have been resolving to write a sort of consolidated memory of certain things that I did with my brother & sister.  What we did as children! 

My grandparents whom we called Amma&Appa had taught us Shlokams and we had seen our Pooja being lighted with a lamp both morning and evening. 

Ayya - Bai were our dear Uncle and Aunt. 

Our dear Aunt's name (Periamma =Elder Mother) was KRISHNAMBAL & Uncle's name was Harihara Sharma. 

They were most loving & we 3 children spent 2-3 years altogether in Bombay (Ganesh Bagh, Matunga ) when our parents were away in UK. 

In addition, every summer vacation (for 2 months) we used to go to Bombay to be with them. 

Those were the years - very rich, when I as a child learnt Tamil & Marathi. 

My Periamma had 5 children who were much older than us and they were MOST LOVING. 

Eldest son was called चूड़ामणि and his name was Prabhakar Sharma. 

To us he was ANNA JI- (Elder brother) who told us Tales of Valour about Chattrapati Shivaji Maharaj. Who fought against cruel Muslim rulers especially Aurangzeb the Most cruel of Moghuls. 

Annaji married Sulochana (our famous Manni) who arranged my marriage to Appa. 

Manni passed away about 3 years ago. 

Their children: Usha(in Suisse) , 

Ashok-Poornima and Sushil-Kamala both brothers in Bengaluru. 

Anasuya was our elder sister, then Priyayamvada (whom we called Piri), next Sitaram (who named himself - He told his Father :Mera naam Sitaram) but he was called Baby by all and last brother was Krishna who's wife is Lekha. 

Except for Lekha, all the rest have become memories. 

Anasuya 's husband was Hariharan athimbair. 

Their children are Girija and Vinay. 

Priya' s husband was Balasubramaniam (Balan Athimbair). They did not have any children. 

Then as we grew up in Allahabad with grandparents fading away, we saw our Mother whom we called Mausi light the Pooja Lamp. 

Our paternal grandmother whom we called Dadi also followed the same Hindu ritual. 

Dadi was very orthodox and kept many fasts (jours de jeune) And we used to get delicious PRASAD after Pooja, & Arati. 

This was very normal in our home. 

One ritual that our Mother instilled was to say our Shlokams together in the evening. 

Coming back from school we would finish homework and go out to play but had been told by Mausi to come home as soon as it became dusk. This time is called GO.DHOOLI. Go =cow and Dhuli =dust. 

This is the time when Krishna Bhagavan, the Divine cowherd brought back cows home after grazing. 

And in the rays of the setting sun would be seen the dust raised by the cows coming home. =GO. DHULI! 

You children (Soumyarani & Aditya) know the Shloka :

"Godhuli dhoosarit komal gopavesham 

Gopala balak satai anugamyamanam, 

Sayandanai pratigriham Pashubandhanaartham

Gaschantum achyuta shishum 

Pranatosmi nithyam 

Gidhuli dhoosarit komal kuntalagram 

Govinda Bindu vasanam 

Gopala Balam manasaasmarami

So without fail,DAILY we used to BLINDLY OBEY.

Our parents used to return home LATER in the evening from the University. 

And were usually not at home. 

We would come inside the home , 

wash our feet well. 

And I being eldest and a girl used to light the Pooja Lamp. 

We would spread our special श्लोकम् straw mat and sit cross - legged and say our Shlokams with closed eyes and folded palms. 

However, we were very naughty. 

My brother and I being very close in years would chant Shlokams at different speeds, race each other and get into a real battle. 

And often my Mother would say :Are you saying your prayers or having a fighting match? 

But saying our श्लोक was something we did regularly and daily. 

And this discipline was due to Amma-Appa, Ayya-Bai, Mausi & our dear Dadi too. 

After saying our Shlokams we would take each family member's name and say Bhagavan, please protect & look after them in every way. 

After saying our Shlokams we would do namaskar in the Pooja room and go to every person in the family and say Namaste to them individually. Age did not matter. 

This was done daly. 

Today too I continue each morning and evening to light the Pooja Lamp. 

And the serene luminosity of the lighted lamp awakens many many hidden memories from the recesses of the mysterious mind.

First it reminds me of Mausi my Mother who gifted me the precious and beautiful Bell metal vilakku as an important part of the gifts given while leaving home with Appa after getting married. (10th March, Monday 1975).

My dear Aunt Bai had given me a Lakshmi-Ganesh framed picture that was at the centre of our Pooja wherever we put up our home.
Those are such sweet precious memories which I shall cherish as long as I am alive! 

As a little girl, seeing dear Bai, my dear dear gentle aunt lighting the lamp in Allahabad home every morning, I recall asking her  :Bai what do you think and pray when you light the vilakku. 

And she would give one of her sweetest smiles and say :O I pray to Bhagavan to keep you all safe, well, healthy and happy.
Such a simple but precious prarthana. 

And this is exactly what I do daily today!
For everyone in the family and also the world to be healthy and happy. 

My Grandmother & Grandfather taught us all the Sanskrit Shlokams that we know and I do marvel at their wisdom, patience and love to have bequeathed to us one of the most precious gifts of life for life! 

We as children (whether our parents were at home or not) came into the house at eventide, washed our hands & feet and would light the lamps (my Mother had two small silver lamps given to her by Amma our grandmother). 

We had a Popat Krishna (Sweet Krishna smilingly holding a parrot to his heart) at the centre of the Pooja shelf in our small study room that was shared by the 3 of us. 

Some of the Pooja items like the Deeparadhana item for Ararti, the small brass bell used during Ararti and a silver Lakshmi coming to me from Amma.
And brass panchpatra-uddharini, Shaligram and Shivalinga ((2)from Dadi my paternal grandma. I recall her taking these items to the Sangam-Thriveni for her annual Gangasnaan and they too had a purificatory bath.

So they have SPECIAL SACRED VIBRATIONS. 

While lighting the Lamp I also recall Bai saying to always take two wicks, never single. To use Til oil and say the special Shloka while lighting the lamp for 'enlightenment' and everything auspicious, good health and also 'over-coming enemies'. 

How naïve I was as a little girl! 

Enemies means the negativity within oneself but I used to interpret it as school friends with whom one had had a tiff! 

Such stark Immaturity! 

Time, experience and age has indeed made me a little wiser.
And one could never blow out the lamp. 

If one had to do so it was done gently with a flower that had been offered in prayer after application of milk on the sides of the vilakku.
Perhaps those reading this may wonder as to why so many rituals. 

Yes. Rituals connect us to those loved ones who taught them to us. 

And more importantly, we become more reflective and think deeply about the rituals. Why do we follow rituals? 

Thinking deeply one réalisés that they do hold weight. 

Rituals give a certain routine to be followed that leads to physican & mental discipline. 

Then once the child gains maturity and control he will evolve and understand the worth of rituaks that can be discarded. 

Rituals are just support systems that are besu in themselves. 

They are like arranging a table when guests are invited for meals. 

We set the table with new plates, shining cutlery, new table cloth and even light candles etc. 

If we can do this for friends why not do it for that ALL - PERVADING POWER ??? 

Of course, it all depends if one has Faith (Vishvas, Bhakti)! 

Lighting a lamp itself is beautiful as it spreads a glow all around and especially lighting up the eyes of our Devis & Devatas in the Pooja. 

Lighting lamps, agarbattis, offering favourite fragrant flowers to the diety, performing neivedyam (Brahmaarpanam) & arati are all part of the rituals of performing Pooja. 

This itself is a form of Meditation.

Lighting the Pooja lamp is something I grew up with. I saw my grandmothers, my mother and Aunt and all family members participating together.

Every Hindu home, however, affluent or poor always dedicates one small corner of their home to the Cosmic Power. 

And it is a beautiful custom. 

The same venerated deities are passed on from generation to generation and even if Bhakti /Vishvas are not the pivotal factors at least it is sentiment for the tradition that is carried on!
For me it reminds me and directly puts me in touch with all the great souls of our family. And their sacred memory gives me strength and courage to tide over little hiccups as well as the stormy events of life!

Just a short memoir of my sacred, childhood memories that I wished to pass on to you children. 

It may be of interest to you. 

Nature's way of self-protection!

Had gone upstairs to get my books to go into the garden when my eyes caught a fluorescent, big and beautiful beetle crawling on the dark floor.

As I had left my phone outside on the garden bench, I gently lifted the beetle onto a piece of paper to take it outside to photograph it.

Placing the beetle on the stone table, I found it to be still and lifeless. Poor little insect, I thought! 

Saddened by the sight of the beetle lying still, I started to sketch the garden view when suddenly a buzzing sound distracted me and I caught sight of the beetle coming alive to fly away leaving me to my solitude outside under the shade of the arbour.

How cleverly it had camouflaged itself appearing to be lifeless! 

How wonderful nature is!

My dear father (a botanist by training and a born nature lover ) had told me when I was just a little girl, very many long years ago that every creature from the minutest to the most gargantuan, protects itself in myriads of astonishingly clever ways! Survival at any cost! 

My father had introduced me to the famous Jean-Henri Casimir Fabre  a French naturalist, entomologist and author known for the lively style of his popular books on the lives of insects. We had a book in our home titled :The Insect Man. 

Fabre used to go out into Nature to learn about insects by lying on the forest floor for hours on end. Such was his passion and interest for studying Nature and insects that he was called the insect man! 

The more we learn we realise how much there is to know! 

Today the chance sighting of the 'little big beetle' stirred my mind and took me back in time ! 

It had the power to make me travel into the past, stir memories of my dear father and connected me to Jean-Henri Casimir Fabre who was born nearly 2 centuries ago 21st December 1823.

As my son would say as a little boy :I want to invent a Time travelling machine! 

And yes, we have our own individual, magical, travelling machine - our Mind that more than often takes us on rides! 

Thank you little beetle for making me fly into the past with your beautiful flight out into Nature from the bondage of being trapped inside the house!

Have you also ever wondered?

As a child i saw my maternal grandmother lighting the Pooja Lamp in our Pooja room. Then i saw my paternal grandmother doing the same. Then i saw my dear aunt and mother too following the same daily morning - evening traditions. Then while growing up I took on the role of lighting the lamp being the eldest daughter of our home.

I took great pride in washing the Pooja 'samaan' consisting of small 'vigrahams' of Ganapati, Sri Mahalakshmi, little toddler baby Krishna on his fours, the silver Shaligram and of course the beautiful lamp, Arati lamp, brass bell and agarbatti stand. 

This washing was a weekly ritual after which I would call my dear mother to see the brillantly shining silver, copper and brass Pooja samaan.

Then my mother would take cotton and roll out the wicks to be put into the lamp for lighting.

It is ordained in our Sanatana Samskaras that for auspicious times the lamp wick should always be in pairs never single. 

Single wick is used during times of sorrow after someone passes away. 

The use of two wicks symbolises the harmony and balance of the two forms of existing energies. Perhaps scientifically this explains the stability needed just like the positive proton needs negative electron. 

In our Sanatana Dharmic tradition, Shiva the male energy and Shakti the female energy are powerless without one another.

Shiva and Shakti are integral for one another.

Each day morning and evening the lamp is refilled with sesame oil or ghee and lighted for prayers and meditation. 

Much time has passed but this tradition continues in our homes.Each time i light the Pooja lamp, i connect with my mother,my grandmothersvand their sweet memories. I hear them chanting Shlokams. 

My daughter too follows this same beautiful generational tradition passed down through the ages and i hope that it will continue... 

Now let me not digress from the pivotal point of the title. 

I have noticed that the two wicks despite being being lighted together do not burn at the same rate! 

One remains longer and the other one gets burnt out faster. 

It is not just a one time happening. 

Have observed this happening perennially and  has made me wonder why! 

Each wick has a life of its own and its own individual burnout time. Is this a subtle lesson that the lamp is teaching? 

We all have a life span despite being together! 

This is exactly what i ask myself so many times. 

In the season of autumn I have watched falling leaves. Some fall earlier, some later and yet at the same time there are some leaves that are stuck to the branch refusing to fall despite violent autumnal winds and rain! 

There is a time exclusive for everything in creation. 

But yes they do fall finally reiterating the truth that after we come we have to go! 

Any thoughts???